Banana and cinnamon cake

Firstly, I must start with the apologies. Over the last few weeks I've had terrible nightmares of you all sat around, hungry and wondering what the fuck happened to the awesome recipes I used to deliver on a regular basis. I wish I could give you some sort of sordid, debauched excuse but the sad fact is that I just haven't had any time to devote to the site due to securing a new job, moving house, selling my car and then losing the job before I even started. Long story... 

So since I'm once again spending my days trawling through job websites and chilling with the dog on the sofa, I have time to cook and write. This first recipe didn't require much thought as I was hungry for something sweet and, given that I'm trying to save the pennies, decided to resort to making something super easy and super quick. 

This was one of the cakes I used to have to make every Wednesday morning for the 5 months that I was a chalet host in the French Alps (you can read all about it in this fantastic book I wrote - click here). It was a favourite of the guests and, since I had some bananas on the turn, I thought I'd make it today.

How it's done

Nothing cheffy here, we used to bash this one out in a matter of minutes in the chalet and I did the same thing today.

• 2 ripe bananas
• 2 eggs
• 175g of self-raising flour
• 125g caster sugar
• 125g softened butter
• Cinnamon
• Nutmeg

All you need to do is cream together the butter and sugar before adding the eggs and either going nuts with a hand mixer or using brute force. Then just sift in the flour and spices before folding the mixture. Finally, mash the bananas with a fork or masher and then throw them in and stir. Then all you need to do is pour the mixture into a non-stick or greased cake pan (I seem to have lost my smaller one in the move hence the large, slightly thin cake I've made here and then cut into slices) and stick into the middle of an oven pre-heated to 175C for 25-30 minutes. As usual, check the middle with a skewer or knife to make sure it's cooked. 

Boom. Perfect with a decent cup of tea. 

Beetroot risotto

I'm intrigued to see how many people click on this post since I know beetroot is a bit of a love it or hate it ingredient. The one thing that the food journey I've been on over the last few years has taught me is to ignore all of those irrational food dislikes that I had as a kid; you know the ones that were based on look, texture or name. I used to hate seafood as a kid and for no reason other than the smell. If I'd carried that into adulthood I would have missed out on so many awesome dishes. 

This turns out to be a stunning looking meal, dressed with crumbled goats cheese, walnuts and rocket - it's a real mixture of vivid colour and texture. I know that all sounds a bit camp but I'm trying to tempt you into making this because, once you put it down in front of her, you'll be glad you did. 

How it's done

This one does require a bit of attention and you will need to be by the pan during the cooking process. Thankfully, though, it involves some red wine with plenty left over for you to drink whilst you're creating your masterpiece.

• 450g cooked beetroot (the vacuum-packed stuff from the supermarket)
• 600ml of vegetable stock
• 50g butter
• A red onion
• 2 cloves of garlic
• 250g Arborio rice
• 2 teaspoons of dried thyme
• 150ml red wine
• Some roughly chopped walnuts
• 125g soft goats' cheese
• Some rocket leaves

Drain the juice from the packet(s) of beetroot into a measuring jug with the vegetable stock. Melt the butter in a large saucepan and add the finely chopped onion and garlic; cook these until they have softened. Throw in the rice and dried thyme and stir so that the butter coats all of the grains. 

Pour in the red wine and cook until the liquid has been absorbed by the rice, stirring often. Start adding in the stock and beetroot juice one ladle at a time, stirring continuously. Add another ladleful when the liquid from the previous one has been absorbed. Continue doing this for around twenty minutes or until the rice is al dente (i.e. so it is still a little firm).

At this point, chop the beetroot into a small dice and add to the rice along with handful of the chopped walnuts. Cook for a further few minutes, stirring to avoid sticking, before serving on a plate with the rest of the walnuts crumbled over the top along with the goats cheese and some strategically-placed rocket leaves. 

White chocolate and raspberry cookies

I've been getting these bad boys from Subway for years and then it twigged on Sunday - I'm an awesome cook, surely I can make them better than the ones I've been having. Turns out, I can. These are soft, crumbly and the perfect combination of white chocolate and raspberry. She'll be eating out of the palm of your hand if you break these out.

How it's done

This recipe actually turns out around 26 cookies so you'll be in the good books for ages until they run out. Don't say I never give you anything.

• 250g unsalted butter (soft, at room temperature)
• 130g light brown sugar
• 130g caster sugar
• 1 egg
• 1 egg yolk
• Pinch of salt
• Teaspoon of bi-carbonate of soda
• 340g plain flour
• 100g white chocolate chunks
• Some fresh raspberries

First things first. Cube up the butter and stick in a bowl with the two sugars. Use a hand mixer, table top mixer or just your brute strength to combine until creamy. Add the egg and egg yolk (if you've never separated a yolk from the white, the easiest way I find is to break an egg gently into your hand over the sink and then just spread your fingers a little to let the white run through them). Beat this together before adding the flour, salt and bi-carb. At this point it will start to get tougher to mix which is what you want - the mixture is turning into a cookie dough. Slice some fresh raspberries in half (not too many otherwise the mixture will end up too wet), and add them with the chocolate chunks. Mix this together before covering and sticking in the fridge for 45 minutes to chill.

Get the oven on to 180C or 160C if it's a fancy fan one. Lay some baking powder out on some baking trays (if you have none like me, just use some butter to grease the trays first). Then just take a tablespoon of mixture and roll into a ball. Place onto the tray and just push it down a little to flatten it a bit. Make sure you leave enough room around each one as they expand during cooking - you may have to do a number of batches to get through the whole mixture. That's it, just get them into the oven for 12 minutes or until they start to brown around the edges. When you get them out of the oven, leave them to cool on the tray for a few minutes before transferring to a wire rack to cool completely.

Now surprise her with a cup of tea and one of these bad boys and just watch the reaction....

Mexican banquet

Since the posts have been a little infrequent recently, I decided to go balls deep and do a mammouth one with three (yes three!) recipes. I've been wanting to try fish tacos for a while so I figured now was the perfect time. The other two are a pair of awesome accompaniments in the form of a super fresh pico de gallo and a chunky guacaomle. This may sound and look like a lot of effort but trust me, gringo, it really isn't. 

The fish tacos were complete guess work but came out far better than I had planned and, when teamed with the pico de gallo and guacamole, were the perfect mix of a bit of heat and freshness. The lucky recipient of this meal could barely contain her excitement throughout the whole thing so I knew it was a job well done. 

How it's done

The key thing about this banquet is how fresh everything looks and smells. It really is a feast for the eyes and nose, and then the mouth. I know you're probably looking at the photo and thinking, 'That's a shit load of washing up there, Chef!'. Well yes, it is but hopefully your guest will get stuck into it when she's finished devouring this feast. 

You can get the pico de gallo and guacamole out of the way and in the fridge early doors if the idea of making all three things at the same time stresses you out. Let's start with them...

Pico de gallo

• 6 tomatoes
• Half a red chilli
• Half a red onion
• Chopped coriander stems
• White wine vinegar

This is really straight forward. Get your tomatoes and quarter them. We don't want all of the seeds and juice and shit so cut them out to leave just the flesh, which you then just dice up into small chunks. Throw them in a bowl with the deseeded and diced chilli and the diced red onion. Chuck in the chopped coriander stems (about a tablespoon's worth). Throw in a splash of white wine vinegar and mix. Done.

Chunky guacamole

• 3 ripe avocados
• A tomato
• Half a red chilli
• Half a red onion
• A lime
• Coriander

Also very easy. Grab the tomato and chop it in half. Next, lay it flat on the chopping board and squash it using the side of a large knife and your pure, masculine brute strength. Once it's squashed, roughly dice it up and throw it into a bowl (juice, seeds and all). Half and stone the avocados (keeping a stone back for later). Scoop the avocado flesh into the bowl with the tomato and then add the chilli, onion and some coriander stalks and leaves after you've finely diced them. Squeeze in the juice of the lime and season with a generous amount of salt and pepper. Grab a potato masher and go to town until it resembles the photo. If you're prepping this in advance, grab the avocado stone you've reserved and stick it in the middle of the guacamole before covering with clingfilm and keeping in the fridge until you're ready to serve.

Fish tacos

• Skinned and boned white fish fillet (I used river cobbler as it's cheap and awesome)
• 2 eggs
• Plain flour
• Cumin
• Smoked paprika
• Dried breadcrumbs
• Sunflower oil
• Mini tortillas

Time for the main event. Get three bowls set up in a line. In the first throw a cup of plain flour along with a teaspoon each of cumin and paprike and mix. In the next bowl, break and lightly beat the two eggs. In the final bowl tip out the breadcrumbs. Grab your fish and cut into strips. This is a very simple process; take a piece of fish and coat in the flour and spice mix before moving it into the egg bowl and then finally covering it in breadcrumbs. Do this for all of the fish and then stick into the fridge to chill for about 15 minutes.

While the fish is chilling, fill a small pan to the three quarter mark with the sunflower oil and get it onto the hob, and get the oven on to 150C. When the oil is hot, fry four pieces of fish for a 1 minute at a time. When the minute is up, use a slotted spoon to get the fish out of the oil and get it onto a baking tray in the oven to keep warm whilst you do the rest of the frying. At this point get the tortillas in the oven to warm. 

That's pretty much it, just set everything out on the table and let people dig in! My table has the pico de gallo, guacamole, fired fish, tortillas, a cajun sauce, some soured cream with a bit of paprika and grated cheese. There's also some corn that I've just charred in a griddle pan (no oil or butter, just stick in the pan on the heat and keep turning to get colour) Enjoy, dudes.

Prawn and rocket pasta

So first I need to apologise for my recent absence. This has been for a number of reasons (World Cup, hangovers, changing jobs etc), none of which will interest you. I did intend to post a carrot cake yesterday but, in a rare moment of non-awesomeness, I fucked it up. Yes that's right, even us great chefs can stuff up sometimes. Will go back to the drawing board and bring that one to you another time. This, however, is unfuckupable and takes hardly any time to make. Winner.

This dish is really damn tasty and looks pretty nice too. Low effort for maximum reward, and that is exactly the sort of grub we like here at Food For Fellas. Plus the recipe calls for wine which is always a good thing.

How it's done

Just a few simple ingredients and no stressy techniques here, so it's one for even the most novice of chefs. 

• Wholewheat spaghetti
• 250g uncooked and peeled king prawns
• 2 cloves of garlic
• A red chilli
• White wine
• Sun-dried tomato pesto
• A lemon
• A bag of baby rocket

First job is to get the spaghetti into some boiling water with a lug of olive oil to stop it from sticking together. Next up you need to finely chop the garlic and de-seeded chilli. Be sure to wash your hands thoroughly after doing this (and definitely don't scratch your nether regions without cleaning your hands first - seriously, trust me on this one...). Get the garlic and chilli into a large frying pan or wok with a decent amount of olive oil and fry off until the garlic begins to colour.

Next throw in the prawns which you have butterflied (see the Ebi Raisukaree recipe for this technique) and cook for a couple of minutes until they have coloured and opened up. Now throw in a small glass of white wine (I am currently really enjoying the Glenridge Point Sauvignon Blanc from Sainsbury - it's currently on offer too) and two tablespoons of the sun-dried tomato pesto, and leave all that to simmer for a few minutes. 

Drain the pasta and then put it back into the pan before adding all of the sauce along with the juice of half of the lemon and a handful of the rocket. Season it and then toss it to mix everything together before getting it onto a plate and throwing on some more rocket and some parmesan. Sorted. 

Leftover chipolata, squash and chickpea stew

This one was another result of needing to do something with a random ingredient, in this case it was six cooked chipolatas that were donated by my housemate. We are on a bit of an economy drive at the moment so I decided to raid the fridge/cupboards and see what I could do with it. I then remembered this cheeky little recipe passed on from a friend and thought I'd adapt it. Voila, this awesome concoction was born.

Feel free to use larger cooked sausages for this, it just so happens that my housemate is a fan of the smaller ones - so many jokes, not enough time. This one does take a bit longer than the normal recipes I post, but it is damn nice so it's worth the wait for sure. Also, if you're in the arms of a hairy vegetarian, leave out the sausages and you will be on a fast track to pound town my friend. 

How it's done

This one is pretty much made up from cupboard staples like chopped tomatoes, stock cubes, chickpeas... 'Wait, did he just say chickpeas?!' I hear you scream. Well yes, I did. Stop being a little bitch about everything and make sure you ALWAYS have a can of these bad boys in the cupboard because they are an awesome utility ingredient for all sorts of things, including a fantastic little curry recipe I have coming up for you.

• Cooked sausages
• A butternut squash
• Garlic clove
• Dried thyme
• An onion
• Some fresh coriander
• 20g sultanas (these aren't a complete necessity but add great flavour)
• 1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
• A small red chilli
• 1 can of chopped tomatoes
• 1 can of chickpeas
• 1 vegetable stock cube
• 160g cous cous
• Fat free yoghurt

This is all very straight forward, if a little time consuming. Peel and chop up the squash (I can't be arsed with the fat end that has all the pips and shit, I just use the top part), you want it in small chunks around 2cm. Throw the squash into a roasting tin with a good amount of olive oil, the dried thyme and a clove of garlic that you've crushed with your bare hands. No seriously, just get a garlic clove (don't worry about taking the skin off) and put it on the counter before slamming your fist down on to it just to crack it so all the awesome flavours will come out. Get this into an oven on 200C for about 40 minutes. 

Peel the onion and finely dice it up before putting it into a reasonably large pan with some olive oil, the sultanas (if you want them), the de-seeded and chopped chilli, the cinnamon and the roughly chopped stalks of the coriander. Stick a lid on top and cook this for around 20 minutes, stirring every now and then, along with adding some boiling water here and there to keep it moist and stop it burning. 

Then add the roasted squash, can of tomatoes and chickpeas (drain half of the juice out of the can but be sure to add some to the pan). Pour in 300ml of boiling water and crumble in the stock cube. Leave this simmering for around 30-40 minutes on a medium heat with the lid off, until the liquid reduces and the stew thickens.

When the stew has about 15 minutes to go, stick the cous cous into a large bowl and just enough boiling water to cover it. Get a plate on top and leave it to soak up the water. Just before the stew is done, fluff up the cous cous with a fork and season well. 

That's it, all done. Put the cous cous on the plates and then get the stew on top. Lob on a bit of the yoghurt and sprinkle the whole thing with chopped coriander leaves

Double chocolate apology muffins

So, since I figure there's a lot of dudes out who will be needing to apologise over the next few weeks - whether it's for hogging the TV or being delivered home by the constabulary after drowning their sorrows following England defeats (I'm only going on what happened last night here) - I decided it would be a good idea for us all to have a chocolate recipe to hand. The perfect way to say sorry.

These muffins contain a secret surprise in the form of a delicious dark chocolate ganache piped into the middle. You can, of course, leave that out if you can't be arsed but it might be the tipping point that gets the object of your desires into the bedroom for the first time, or the Mrs to indulge a fantasy that she has so far resisted. It could be that neither of these things as a result of adding the ganache happen but are you able to live with not knowing?

How it's done

The one downside to this recipe is that you do need to go and buy something called tulip cases from the supermarket. Pick your cashier wisely when going through the checkout with these, since you don't want to damage your reputation. 

• 165g butter (at room temperature)
• 300g caster sugar
• 2 teaspoons vanilla extract
• 3 eggs
• 70g self raising flour
• 200g plain flour
• 1 teaspoon bi-carbonate of soda
• 70g cocoa powder
• 222ml milk
• 25ml malt vinegar
• Large bar of milk chocolate

Get the oven on to 160C if it's a fancy fan one, otherwise it's 180C, and put 12 tulip cases into a muffin tin. Measure out the milk into a jug, add the vinegar, stir and put to one side. 

Next, cream the butter and sugar together in a large bowl - you can do this with a mixer or by hand if you want to maintain a shred of masculinity. Once they're mixed together, add the eggs and vanilla extract and stir. Now add all the dry ingredients (the flour, bi-carb and coca powder, you bell). They don't need to be sifted, who's got time for that anyways? Finally, add the milk and vinegar mixture into the bowl and mix everything together to make an awesome, chocolate batter. 

Grab a couple of normal dessert spoons and use those to fill each tulip case to about 2/3 full. When that's done, take your chocolate bar and chop it up into chunks before throwing a few on to the top of each muffin. Get these into the middle of the oven for around 25-30 minutes.

If you are going the whole hog and want to get the ganache in there too, you will also need to buy 150ml of double cream and 150g dark chocolate (it's quicker and easier to just buy a bag of dark chocolate chips). Get the cream into a pan and bring it to the boil. When it starts to bubble, turn off the heat and throw in the chocolate chips. After a couple of minutes, stir it to make a nice, smooth ganache. Leave this to cool for around 15 minutes.

When the muffins have been out of the oven a few minutes, get a sharp knife and run it down through one of the cracks in the top. Wiggle it around inside the muffin to create the hole for the ganache. Take the cooled ganache and stick it into a piping bag with a thin nozzle. Put the nozzle into the hole you've created and pipe ganache in until the muffin plumps up. Now just leave the muffins somewhere to cool completely.

There you are, you're done and clear to watch the rest of the World Cup in peace! 

Pesto chicken, avocado and walnut salad

The World Cup is on and none of us have time to cook (either for the ladies or ourselves) or blog so this is a very quick and easy dinner that you can put together in between games. The beauty is that it looks amazing, tastes awesome and is healthy too. 

There's a distinct lack of photos here because, well, I forgot. I was quickly throwing something together for dinner before the awesome Spain v Netherlands game and this is what I came up with. It literally took five minutes to get on the plate (if you ignore the 22 minutes it took for the chicken breasts to cook), but came out tasting great. The idea is from a very well-known salad bar that is in most shopping centres in Australia, this was the item on the menu that I loved the most but hated having to pay $11 for each time. Turns out you can make it at home for a lot less but just as tasty.

How it's done

I prefer to buy fresh chicken breasts and cook them myself (if you choose to do this, just buy skin-off breasts and stick them in the oven on 200C for 22-25 minutes or until the juices run clear). The rest of the ingredients are all pretty simple.

• Chicken breast (fresh or pre-cooked)
• Jar of green or basil pesto 
• Ripe avocado
• Bag of baby spinach leaves
• Bag of rocket
• Feta cheese
• Walnuts
• Balsamic drizzle (the thick stuff)

Chop up the chicken breast into small pieces or cubes and throw in bowl. Add a generous amount of the pesto and stir to make sure each piece of chicken is coated. Then it's just a case of layering up the dish. Get a big wedge of both leaves and get them on the plate. Next, peel and chop the avocado and sprinkle over the leaves. Chop up the feta into little cubes and drop that on top.

Next, get the chicken on the plate before topping the whole thing off with a generous helping of walnut pieces and a pretty pattern made out of the balsamic drizzle. Filling and super healthy at the same time, and ready in time to catch the second half before taking the lady upstairs to celebrate the win.

Tartiflette

Yes, I know it is weird to be posting this rich, awesome, French mountain food as the weather starts to get warmer but this weekend I was craving it. I spent some time working in the Alps as a chalet host, and this dish was something that I never got bored of during the four months I was out there. For some reason, on this warm early Summer's day in England, I fancied tartiflette and all of it's cheesy, gooey, creamy goodness. 

You might want to save this for a freezing cold Winter's day so feel free to keep it in the back pocket until then. Whenever you do choose to use it, however, you can be sure that the Mrs will also be in your back pocket as a result. There's nothing to not like in this dish - unless you're vegetarian, allergic to dairy or simply just don't like awesome food. 

Literally every ingredient in this meal is good: from the cream to the bacon to the potatoes to the white wine. What's not to love? Get involved.

How it's done

I've adapted this recipe to make single portions rather than one big one like they tend to do in France, but they key thing is to find the right cheese. I've only found it in Waitrose in the UK so that's a heads up, but you might be able to find it elsewhere. 

• 1kg Charlotte potatoes
• 250g bacon lardons
• 1 onion
• Garlic
• 100ml white wine
• 200ml double cream
• Half round of reblochon cheese

This one is super easy. Get the oven on to 200C and then stick the potatoes into a pan of salted, boiling water for 5-10 minutes. While they are bubbling away, dice up the onion and fry that in a little oil with the lardons and crushed garlic. Once the onion has gone a nice, golden brown throw in the white wine to deglaze the pan. Leave that cooking until the wine has evaporated.

Drain the potatoes and once they have cooled enough to touch, slice them thinly. Then in each of your dishes put a layer of potatoes, season them and then throw some of the bacon, onion and garlic mixture on top and repeat until you've nearly filled it up. Pour over half of the cream and top it off with the cheese - slice it through the middle and lie it so that the rind is facing up. 

 Stick into the oven for 10-15 minutes or until the cheese is bubbling. Serve with a side salad the rest of the wine (in a glass you dope!). Bonjour tout le monde!

Cookie-stuffed cookies

These little beauties are the shit - fact. Honestly your Mrs will not be able to hide the delight she gets from biting into a freshly-baked cookie and then finding another cookie inside. They are a one-way ticket into the good books for an indeterminate amount of time so you might want to bust them out when you've got some making up to do. 

If your Mrs doesn't look like she needs two cookies in one sitting (if you get my drift...), then you can always leave the Oreo out and use this as a straightforward, yet awesome, chocolate chip cookie recipe. 

How it's done

• 310g plain flour
• 1 teaspoon baking powder
• Pinch of salt
• 225g unsalted butter (at room temparature)
• 150g brown sugar
• 100g granulated sugar
• 2 eggs
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 150g milk chocolate chips (or bars chopped up)
• Oreo cookies

In a mixer (or in a bowl with a hand mixer), cream together the butter and sugars. Then throw in the eggs and vanilla extract and mix together. Sift in the flour, baking powder and salt before mixing everything together. Use a wooden spoon to fold in the chocolate chips.

You can, at this point, stick the cookie dough into the fridge to chill for a while (overnight if you like) but it is up to you. 

When you're ready to make the cookies, get the oven on at 175C. All you have to do now is take a tablespoon of the cookie dough, roll it into a ball and put it on top of an Oreo. Get the same amount of dough again and put it onto the bottom. Press the edges of the dough together so that you can't see the Oreo cookie any more and place onto a baking sheet or greased baking tin. Stick them into the oven for 10-12 minutes or until the edges start to go brown. Leave them to cool on a wire rack before handing over to the Mrs and awaiting your reward.

Gluten-free sundried tomato and parmesan bread

OK so I know you saw the title and thought I'd gone soft, especially since the last post was a vegetarian one and now we're going gluten-free. Don't worry my friends, the meat will return in a big way in the next post but, given that I was in the company of someone who is allergic to gluten at the weekend and didn't want her puking up everywhere, I decided to indulge in some gluten-less baking.

This one was actually a bit of a result due to the fact that the person in question was adamant that gluten-free baking is terrible and that I was wasting my time in even attempting to make this. 'Relax', I said, 'for I am an awesome cook.'

To be quite honest I had no fucking idea if this recipe was going to work out or not, but God loves a trier. You can imagine my glee when the person in question ate her pre-cook criticism as well as half of the loaf when it came out, yes you guessed it, awesome. 

In all fairness this could well have been beginner's luck and she does know a lot more than me when it comes to gluten-free cooking (since I bloody love gluten) but either way, we were both happy with the outcome. So, my friends, keep this in the back pocket in case you ever encounter someone who will run a mile if they so much as see a standard loaf of bread.

How it's done

This is really simple and surprisingly tasty. The making part only takes around 15 minutes and then you can just leave it in the oven for an hour to work it's magic, pleasing your allergic friend with it's gluten-less aroma.

• 200g gluten-free white flour
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 3 teaspoons gluten-free baking powder
• 284ml whole milk with a squeeze of lemon juice
• 3 eggs
• 1 tablespoon tomato paste
• 2 tablespoons olive oil
• 50g sundried tomatoes (the ones you get in the jar with oil)
• 50g grated parmesan cheese

So this is extremely simple. Get the oven on at 180C (or 160C if you have a fancy fan oven). Stick the flour, salt and baking powder in a bowl. In another bowl, throw the milk, eggs, tomato paste and oil, and mix. Add the wet ingredients to the bowl with the dry ones and mix. Then throw in the chopped sundried tomatoes, and half of the parmesan and stir. Add all of this to a loaf tin which you have greased with butter, throw the rest of the parmesan on top and then cook for an hour. 

Once the hour is up, pull it out and be sure to stick a knife in the middle - if it comes out clean then you're golden. Let it cool before tipping it out and serving to your allergic friend.

Lentil roast

This one is for those of you that want to get on, or are already on, a vegetarian. Hopefully she's not one of those - hairy armpits, no washing, walks everywhere barefoot vegetarians. But hey, whatever floats your boat, dude - I'm not here to judge. Just to help you get laid through food. 

I actually can't take credit for this one as it's my Dad's recipe. The first time I was told I was having this for dinner I quickly reached into my pocket to check if I had enough change to buy a Big Mac meal afterwards. Surprisingly it actually turned out to be awesome and is now one of the highlights of visits up to Scotland to see him. 

I'm not going to lie to you dude, this one takes some time but if your girl is a veggie then you will very quickly be made to realise that all of the hard work was worth it when she's scrabbling at your clothes trying to get her hands on your [insert vegetable = penis metaphor here].

How it's done

As I said, there is a bit of work and a few ingredients involved in this one but it is worth it believe me; even for you all-out carnivores out there. 

• 250g red lentils (dry)
• 500ml vegetable stock
• A few bay leaves
• 15g butter
• 2 tablespoons dried whole wheat breadcrumbs
• 90g fresh whole wheat breadcrumbs
• 250g grated mature cheddar cheese
• 1 leek
• 125g mushrooms
• 2 tablespoons fresh parsley
• 1 tablespoon lemon juice
• 2 eggs
• Grated parmesan cheese

First thing to do is get the oven on 190C. Next, get the lentils, stock and bay leaf in a saucepan. Bring this to the boil, cover it and simmer for around 20 minutes or until all of the liquid has been absorbed and the lentils are soft. While that's working away, get 4 ramekins (ask the Mrs) and grease with the butter before sprinkling with the dried, not fresh, breadcrumbs. 

Next, chop up the leek, mushrooms and parsley and stick in a bowl with the grated cheese and fresh breadcrumbs. When the lentils are cooked, pour them into the bowl along with the lemon juice and the eggs. Season the whole thing really well with salt and pepper before transferring the whole mixture into the ramekins. When you fill each ramekin, drop it onto your work surface to get the air out (not from too high though you bell-end). Then sprinkle the parmesan cheese over, and stick them into the oven on a baking tray for an hour.

That's pretty much it. When they come out of the oven, slide a knife down the sides of the ramekin to loosen each portion before sticking onto a plate with whatever you are pairing this with - in this case its my Dad's awesome roast potatoes. Most 'chefs' would scoff at this but honestly, get some ketchup involved and you are onto a winner!

Chicken and spinach pasta with toasted pine nuts

Firstly let me apologise for the short break away but what can I say, I've been enjoying the fruits of my labour... I don't just say this stuff for fun guys, this shit works! I've still been cooking, but just haven't been able to take shots and get things written - I promise to be better if you'll stick with me!

This one is something I put together a few years ago and still gets a great reaction when I pull it out of the bag. It's perfect (if you ignore the bacon lardons that I snuck into this version) for when the Mrs is on a diet and you need protein for your gym regime. With the pine nuts and spinach, I've also thrown in a few superfoods as well. Aren't you lucky?!

There's a lot of ingredients going on here but they all combine to make something awesome - mark my words. 

How it's done

If she (and/or you) are on a health kick then it might be best to leave the lardons out but, since I'm not and think they add a nice amount of flavour, I didn't.

• Pine nuts
• Chicken fillets
• Bacon lardons (your call)
• Garlic
• Red onion
• Mushrooms
• Cherry or plum tomatoes
• Balsamic vinegar
• Ground nutmeg
• Spinach
• Whole wheat spaghetti

This is all pretty straightforward. The first thing you have to do is toast the pine nuts in a DRY pan. Dry means dry guys, no oil or anything required. Literally get a frying pan on a medium heat and throw them in. Keep giving them a toss and after a couple of minutes they will start to brown. Once they go, the go quickly so keep an eye on them. Once they have some colour, get them out of the pan and into a bowl for later. At this point stick the spaghetti into some boiling water with a bit of olive oil to keep it separated. Leave that going whilst you do the rest.

Next, dice up the onion and mushrooms and lob them into a large frying pan (or wok) with the garlic, which should be crushed or finely chopped, and some olive oil. Fry for a few minutes or until the onions get soft and then throw in the diced chicken breast.

Keep this awesome little mixture cooking until the chicken is cooked through. At this point add the tomatoes which you will have halved. They will start to soften and break up to create a little bit of a sauce. Next add in a shit load of spinach. It will fill the pan and you will freak out, but it will wilt into next to nothing very quickly. 

When the spinach has wilted, add a large lug of balsamic vinegar and a dash of nutmeg. Cannot believe I just used the word dash. Moving on quickly... Leave everything in the pan to cook down and reduce for a few minutes.

Drain and plate the spaghetti before adding the chicken and spinach mixture on top. Throw on the toasted pine nuts and you are golden. If you happen to be fancy like me and have some balsamic glaze then great but it's not a necessity. Enjoy...

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